sad but true

1. that you can be in love and be bored of someone
2. that you can be not in love and be bored of someone
3. that the expectation of a thing is better than thing itself
4. that the price of getting what you want, is getting what you wanted
5. that most of us end up having to settle
6. that there is 7, 8, 9 and so on but i'll stop here for now.

Life is a continuum of moments, the ones that you remember with a wistful fondness or some other emotion that springs with their resurfacing, few and far between. Perhaps I should make a list of such moments, banal as some of them may be, and on rainy days like this one, flip through the pages, choose an imitation of a memory and let fact or fiction take flight. I guess if or when I am old and infirm, basking in the glow of nostalgia a new past-time shall become.

tempus

give anything the appropriate amount of time and it is water under the bridge to you. with a detached bemusement you might find yourself mulling over why you even invested so much effort into feeling. hindsight is tinted with the shade of callowness. and for those whom time cannot pacify, alternatively, there is the recourse of death. desensitising isn't it?

457

chance is 457 leading to a tau huay treat. times like these make you believe that fate does exists.

do you ever wonder, amongst the lot of us, who will be the first to leave? there is no need for why; they go when they have to. will it be swift and terrible; shattered glass, smoke and screams? or will it be simply, asleep, then seguing into an even deeper sleep. and which lucky, long-lived who, will be alone and bereft.

much ado about nothing.

at least for now, i think i'm done with the business of making new year's resolutions. the resolution of any day could work fine, if not better, with less of its cousin's inflated importance and imminent hand-wringing and moping upon failure. the time i set myself to achieve something is kind of commensurate with the angst i subject myself to, self-flagellation in its purest form, upon getting result of no result. perhaps resolutions infuse spurts of willpower in moments of temptation but simply, it boils down to telling yourself: this is what i want to do. and then do it.

where do birds suddenly disappear?

Just a random thought...you know how the early mornings and as the dusk falls flocks of birds throng near the trees and the skies are laced in a swirling mesh of black silhouettes. Clearly there must be a lot of flying feathered friends around, not that I've tried ennumerating them. Yet I've only seen one bird carcass in my entire life. It wasn't a roadkill, meaning it was not squished into a two-dimensional sheet of meat, so I guess it counted. Which brings to me the question, where are all the bird carcasses that I should be seeing in the multitudes, although that would be somewhat like a scene from a horror movie. Do the birds, sensing impending death from old age, travel to some final resting place, far from the gazes of human eyes? It's almost unnerving how they seem to disappear without a trace, nary a feather left behind.