where did they go

If I counted the minutes I spent simply not thinking (yes, it is very possible), I think (paradox?!) it would probably amount to an eigth of my entire life span. Already, my memories of primary school bleed to faded negatives..Did that really happen or did my fecund mind conjure it entirely or perhaps embellish it with gloss? I guess I need to revisit the past more and in doing so, cherish the now of the present.

from work springs forth bad poetry

how strange that I should be the one to go
words wrenched from clenched
lips
in a breath
to ashes upon the tongue
puppets mock
the mute living
tracing the complexion of the heart
the terrain of the skin
memories of forgotten fire
eyes seek eyes dance eyes flutter
yet do not meet
perhaps
I would rather have it
so

Adrift

Life now is curiously carefree and I have so much time on my hands, I could devote some of it to watching the plants grow and still indulge in my favourite past-times. The same reason why you see this blog entry. It's a little unsettling having absolutely no deadlines to meet (yes, I am not working...yet), but I'm going to enjoy this period to my utmost because the next time it arrives, I'll be having wrinkles on my age-worn face. Or growing mouldy in a box of wood. It's a good time to be learning new things, be they useful or not and I hope I have the motivation to brush up on my near non-existent cooking skills. I've quit my previous telemarketing job and am looking forward to my new employment at Nanyang Polytechnic next week. Telesales gives you a great feeling of acheivement and happiness, somewhat akin to downing a Bacardi Breezer in a minue flat but healthier, after you close a deal, never mind the occasional foul-mouthed faggots and fickle-minded folks. Well, here's to a good life ahead.

Shisha

I tried shisha for the first time last Sunday. Nava is turning me into a bad girl XD. I think it's pretty overrated; I didn't get high or woozy even. Just felt my throat getting irritated when the smoke trickled down it after I inhaled too deeply. I don't think I'll ever try it again. We didn't managed to finish even half the pot. And it's supposed to be ten times worse than tobacco smoking health-wise. It felt pretty cool though, sitting in a dimly lit lounge, which reminded me somewhat of an opium den, watching as the strawberry flavored smoke wafted into nothingness. Well, it was an interesting experience and I do love trying out new things, be they criminally insane or potentially life threatening.

Novices again

Met up with Charmaine and Joanna to watch our J1s fence in Novices Teams. Both Boys and Girls won the gold and the Boy's team bout had an especially nail-biting finish, since they beat Ngee Ann by a single point. It's time for me to get back to fencing too...

As my penpal put it, I am one of the most universally disliked people on Earth. Enter the angsting. The term TGIF takes a whole new level of significance, with strong emotions attached to it, when you start working. Adieu, dear blog. My visits to you will be few and far between as I consign myself to being a workdrone, sombre, stultified and a slave to somnulence.

Work

I never saw myself as one of those on the trains, the pale canvasses of their unsmiling faces etched with their private thoughts and worries as they were distributed to their respective destinations. But I am one of them, now. One of the many gears driving the robust economy of Singapore.. O_o. Alright, I overrate myself. Work leaches energy from the very marrow of my being. But a sale, and in this case two on the first day is oh-so-satisfying, and my moods take a leap to the stars.

2 Bored Girls + A Camera

Since I spent my X'mas at home, I chose to spend the next day with Nava. Went to Daphne's luxurious bungalow for a post-X'mas party. The food was probably catered and her house was adorned with intricate glass trinkets such that it reminded me of a hotel. The ornate glass chandelier dangling in the middle of the spiral staircase was a touch I particularly liked. Soon after, we headed to J8 Delifrance to chill and cam-whore. Too much time + 2 girls + camera = narcissim in its full glory. I guessed we looked nice enough for someone to get the manager's handphone number ;).

Return from Cold-rea!

7 days in Korea have come and gone in a blink of an eye, leaving behind wonderful memories and a craving to be jet-setting again soon. The weather was a pleasant reprieve from the blistering tropical heat of Singaporebut I didn't take to well to the occasional near zero temperatures either. The tour guide was full of wit and knowledge, peppering the tedious bus journeys with his amusing snippets of experiences. Food generally consisted of barbequeued meat or steamboat. Initially I ate a lot, though as the days went on, I found myself getting a little sick of the rich flavors. The mountaneous and seaside scenery were quite breath-taking; then again, if you have lived in the concrete jungle that is S'pore for 18 years of your life, any scenery is stunning. Everland, the large amusement park we were supposed to visit, didn't thrill me as much as it would have if I was younger. Must be the onset of age...lol. Skiing was a blast and I think I fared pretty well for a beginner, considering I didn't fall down once during the multiple descents of the 50m+ slope. Ascending the slope was however, a painstaking process and I was sweating profusely in a few minutes despite the cold. Maybe I'll try snowboarding the next time round. Made several acquaintances and bought loads of delectable snacks and tidbits =P. It was a truly memorable trip and I can't wait for the upcoming trip to _______.

Fate, perhaps

I'm hopelessly naive to think that waiting long enough would bring us together. It's like an experiment, the right person being at the right place at the right time, and I am and had none of these. As you said before, if its meant to be, its meant to be. And it seems, it isn't. Feelings, fickle and fragile, might still linger after everything. In any case, I hope you find happiness with her, because you deserve it, and lay to rest that selfish part of me.

Prom

Would like to give a BIG thank you to Lestari for assisting with my prom makeup and sorry for rushing you needlessly. I think I almost didn't recognise myself with the olive eyeshadow, yellow gown and all=P. Strangely enough, I didn't feel extremely excited about the whole affair in the morning. Cabbed there with Joanna and Charmaine, all of us clad in pretty clothes and baubles, faces caked in make-up. Charmaine looked especially pretty, with the tiara, curls and Goth Lolita dressing. When I arrived there, familiar faces were rendered scarcely recognisable, probably due to the makeup, hairdos and exquisitely beautiful apparel. Think I looked quite nice that night =P. I hardly paid any attention to the programme, partly due to the annoying emcee-ing, and wandered the ball room taking photos. Narcisstic as it may sound, that's what Prom is about. After loads of camwhoring and a little dining in between, the event finally came to a close. For the first time, I went to Chijmes with some of my 3Q buddies and Joanna to chill out, before my dad gave CT, Joanna a lift and sent me home. Some photos are below and the rest are on facebook. Guess I'm still seeing white spots from all the camera flashes =P

Farewells

Held a surprise treat for Weilu because she's going back to China soon after prom. She was really delighted to receive the card and bottle of stars that we made for her XD. I wish her all the best in her endeavours and hopefully she won't forget us.

Beginnings

It's a time for new beginnings XD! Just went for driving theory not too long ago. Yes, Florence is on her way to burnin' rubber! Got back to fencing and felt like an absolute noob =(. And also, I have 2 job interviews coming up. Sure hope I manage to impress the recruitment agency folks into giving me that administration job =P. Best of all, on the 4th of December, the long awaited Prom will be here! Can't wait...

The End of All Things

The A level examiner told us we've earned the license to scream after the end of the Bio MCQ paper. Yet, as the students flooded out through the doors, it wasn't yells of joy I heard, but rather the steady buzzing of the cross-checking of answers. There wasn't a dizzying surge of euphoria, just a disorientating but not wholly unfamiliar sense of emptiness and what-next as the coming days suddenly seem like a year. A year whose days are long. The story usually ends when the vile dragon is slain, the lost treasure found, the fair maiden rescued. Still, there is no conclusion here, not even deus ex machina for me. It's the anticipation of the end which renders the path, no matter how arduous, bearable. Which deceives travellers into seeing an oasis in a sea of sand, not a mirage. Anyhow, too much free time is not an unwanted thing and I shall not fall prey to Boredom. Finally, I can engage in those small pleasures that make me feel truly alive =).

Whatever

It's a pretty apt name to describe the rest of this post. I've realise I don't really have an opinion on most issues. I don't mean those GP essays when you're forced to take a stand and expound your argument for the sake of that "A" grade. It's hard to write if you don't care much for and about something but since GP has come and gone, it's no longer an issue. There's a curious, almost callous detachment from events that have shaken the globe or Singapore; the brutal crushing of the riots in Myanmar, the repealing of Section 377A (at least I got that right) and others. Maybe I'm a cynic and the violence, intolerance and other vices that have plagued the globe will always be here to stay so why bother investing emotion? Or maybe, I'm just Singaporean. Yes, the government has done its job so well that eventually they will start wondering why no-one reads the Home Section anymore. I jest. But, truly it's odd. Why am I unable to muster more than a fleeting sympathy for the refugees of Darfur or probe into whether homosexuality should be condoned in Singapore? And I have a hunch that I'm not the only one guilty of this. My apathy puzzles me. Does it signify a dereliction in my mental faculties or a reduction in my capacity to show compassion for others? Perhaps its time, to delve deeper into the going-ons of the world, and in doing so, find myself again. It's time to start having an opinion, not for the sake of it, but because I truly care.

Cold Turkey

You, the lingering sweetness of a courtesean's faded perfume. Such cloying fragrance, such deathly stench as I let you, as ever undecided, flood my shattered senses. We are magnets in a slow, tangled dance, bone-weary gladiators circling the ochre sand that mayhaps has always been. This path to hell grows narrow, carelessly fraught with briars and thorns, unspoken words and festered feelings. Tarry a little! An insolent rose petal, gloriously blooming and carmine, spirals from the sky, coruscating.

The List

Here's a list of what I want to do after the "A''s

1. Fence
2. Learn to Cook
3. Work from Jan 2008 onwards
4. Travel
5. Read
6. Draw
7. Learn to Dance (Hip-hop)
8. Learn to Drive
9. Learn to Wakeboard
10. Get a nice, golden tan XD
11. Swim
12. Learn guitar
13. Play PC games

It's amazing how this has kept me mugging 4-5 hours a day despite tireless rants from the other voice in my head to give it a rest. Oh the power of dreams... =). Freedom is painfully close. I can smell it.

And oh 14. NEVER TOUCH A BLOODY SET OF NOTES AGAIN, EVER!

but of course, my RJ mentality or morality ensures that I won't.

18

Handphone flooded with SMS-ses! I felt kinda bad I couldn't recognise who was wishing me at times though =S. And thank you so much Charmaine, Shu Yi, Ching Ting and Philana for the lovely pressies =). Rest assured I'll use them XD.

Random Thoughts

It's funny how I've spent nearly two years in RJ and there will still be places I've never visited, canteen food I've never tried, people I've never spoken to. Maybe I was so focused on my routine that I didn't stop to smell the roses. I guess it's the same with people around us. We don't look too closely and see the nice, picture-perfect side of them beacuse the flaws are never too well concealed.

Void

There's a strange emptiness
where nothing should be
that refuses to go away
so why should I stay?

How can nothing feel so heavy?