I saw a rainbow today. The air was redolent with petrichor and I inhaled deeply. As the playful draughts rippled my shirt and tousled my already unruly hair, I thought maybe, I could fly. Amidst angry clouds wreathed in nacreous gray, a rainbow against the yawning canvas of the sky winked at me. I couldn't remember when was the last time I had seen one or what I had felt, but the sight of this one sent such a rare feeling of ebullience coursing through me, I wanted to shout to the passerbys, obvious as it was, look a rainbow in the sky! No-one else seemed to notice it and I wondered at them as they scurried on their various ways, intent as worker bees in a hive. Perhaps they thought me a dreamer; a girl precariously perched on a trellised wall, her eyes riveted on something unseen to all but her. It did not fade away as I pictured it would. It simply disappeared; like a memory untouched for too long. My eyes shut tight, and in the darkness that swam around me, I saw again, the rainbow. Twilight drew its ephemeral cloak upon the horizon while I stood up and made my way home.

2008 is consigned to the history books and thrown-away calendars, while 2009, fresh and untainted and heavy with promise as all new years are, is ushered in with much fanfare. there is an absence of feeling save for a tremulous hope that things can and will be better. if hope is the fodder of fools then i am glad to be one. for though it may reside in unknown places, deep within the weeks or months, i should like to think there is a little piece for me.

NUS Fencing Challenge

I'm still in a state of surprise that our hastily assembled motley crew managed to clinch a bronze. I'm even more surprised I could still fence decently despite my lamentable physique and half-baked training. But oh well, there were only 4 teams =P. Met a few familiar faces and marvelled once again, at the lightning reflexes and precise distancing, born of years of practice, the national fencers wielded. I foresee lots of work to be done if NUS Fencing Challenge is to be held next year. All the seniors are either working, graduating or simply too busy to render much help. Adversity does bring out the resourcefulness and tenaciousness in people so I guess ultimately, things will be alright. With the right combination of people, I never realised how fun lugging heavy pieces of metal and manning the Director's table would be. Joanna and Yan Jie took turns pushing us around on the cart, which while was admittedly pretty childish for our age, was still rather exciting. I can't imagine my parents or my grandparents acting like that when they were 19. Seems to me, my generation retains the youthful spark and sense of humor for a longer time =).

quiet time

i am standing in the pall of a shadow i have cast. Or is the shadow mine? You already are. it's hard to see myself from here. i crave for dreams which are not mine. my words, little, are retreating further into silence. the light is close but i wonder if i step out, will my skin start to wither? Like a snowflake in the glare of the sun.

Maybe I am not as good with words of comfort as I like to think I am. I wish I could share your troubles and give you motivation somehow, although you say it's something you have to deal with and you don't want to add on to my problems. I guess since what I say is probably futile and you're tired of hearing it, I will pray for His guidance.

hiatus

2 weeks from now and the "A" levels commence again. It's almost surreal that something mythic in its significance has come and gone and to this date, close to a year since its passing. Eventually I suppose, I will have to sift through the dim recollections of the before, real or made-up and perhaps discover, nothing more to it than a word. This just adds to the plethora of "words" which make up my life. It hit me recently; the realisation that my blogging has disappeared into nigh oblivion despite the many interesting (at least I egoistically think they are) happenings in my life. Attempts to dissect this phenomenon have been largely futile and all I can say is that blogging just slipped out of my life or the other way round. Still, I should take a trip down memory lane now and then and bask in all those moments, good, bad and ugly, waking myself up in time to see the beauty of the now. The fantastic fringe benefit of having more brain space to memorise the Valence-Bond Molecular Orbital Theories or L' Hopital's Rule is also greatly appreciated.

understanding is a precious thing and i guess it doesn't come to people often or has to be accquired from previous experiences. still, couldn't you at least pretend? ahhh...this is probably the depression speaking...

ho-hum

It just got me thinking how sometimes feels like a seemingly endless chain of events to stave off boredom.

The Uni Student

3 weeks into university term and I must say I'm quite glad that the workload is manageable; I have a good few hours to myself everyday even if I go for fencing XD. Haven't really made any friends, unless you count the hi and bye sort but it's always comforting to see a familiar face in tutorial. I'm thankful for the presence of my 3Q classmates, namely Ching Ting and Wei Lu, who make those potentially soporific lectures actually bearable and my darling Kevin, just for being who he is XD! And of hostel life? Would be an understatement to say that I savour every moment of it. Truly, absolute and utter freedom, coupled with a dose of common sense of course, is intoxicating like no other liquor. Responsibility also tags along as always and I've been doing a decent job of ensuring my work, done and my room, habitable :P. I'm pretty determined to make use of all the opportunites NUS can offer (internships, exchange programmes, immersion programmes) and at the same time, have fun!

Class outing was much fun XD Loads of fried food, dabbled in bridge with fairly promising results (many thanks to the partner), attempted to play ping pong and caught up with a few folks here and there. More or less know where most people are headed to, namely NUS. Guess organising class gatherings or should I say, half-class gatherings will be pretty convenient in future. It's a little strange how it takes class gatherings to "make" me talk to people I usually wouldn't have spoken a word to on a normal school day. Maybe its the impending sense of urgency and the knowledge that I might not be seeing them till a few years later.
On another note, Science Orientation week camp is to begin on Wednesday and somehow I can't seem to muster much enthusiasm. Tis a far cry from my secondary school days; I was brimming with nervous excitement so much so that I had trouble falling asleep on the eve of Orientation. The jadedness, that walks hand in hand with age, hits me in the face and tries to wake the dreamer up. Or perhaps its because I'm attached and surrounded by old friends, I see less of a need to befriend others. Or it could be I'm a reincarnation of some hermit who died meditating in the mountains...Hmmm..

Road Rage....no wait?

No license for me till September it seems...

Mostly, Good

Come 11th July, one of those many cars you see hogging the tar arteries of Singapore could be driven by me XD. With 2 L plates stuck on by bumper, I shall endeavour to prove myself a worthy driver to sceptical testers and thereby earn the license and the right to break as many traffic rules as possible. I can hardly wait. And there's the second small issue of how to tell my restaurant employers I'm thinking of quitting soon. I've been absent for too many days to actually be a bad or inefficent worker and it niggles me that I do feel a twinge of guilt at the impending resignation, because I have developed some form of tenous attachment to the nicer staff members. I might frequent the restaurant now and then just to catch up I suppose. The stoppage of income will probably lead to an eventual budget deficit and its time to be more parsimonious or more adept at cajoling cash out of coffers.

After a close to month long hiatus, it's time to revisit the blogging arena XD. Life is good. I've got a place in NUS Science; looks like I said something right during the Discretionary Admission Interview lol. So I'm looking forward of a laptop to of my own, my precious, on top of the other stuff I will be purchasing with my paltry salary. Occasional nights of board games with darling and company, together with outings to catch up with pals break the monotony of work. Since dearest Kevin has spirited away my PSP for an indefinite period of time (currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms now but this too shall pass, or not. ), I shall in the meantime, learn to appreciate the idiot box and knit woollen socks.

Imaqaa

There's a hard knot of anxiety deep down that refuses to go away. Maybe I'm depressed? Not even blogging like my usual self, whatever that may be.

between

it's a fine line between obligation and reciprocation. may i not cross it.

Picosecond

Amazing what can happen in a week if you just let it =). Now that we've gone so fast, maybe it's time to slow down and let the coffee brew.

The joke's on you =)

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! In case you're still befuddled as to what is going on, I haven't gotten fired. Yet. Maybe it was mean to play on your sympathies but hey, it's only once a year folks XD! I really appreciate those kind phone calls and smses (now I know who to approach for sympathy lol) =). I've not felt so gleeful in a long, long while XD...

away with paper smiles

A word too little, unflinching glances, fleeting, flickered and wisped away. Firm and fitting, is or was the sepulchral mask perched prettily against the crest of skin, as through the eyeholes, she peers, wondering and watchful. They become, inexorably, a pall of funereal quiet drawing them into a suffocating, gradual embrace. Accident or design, purpose or chance? Too late; the artfully frayed threads have snapped, suprising even their shocked selves. The moment has flown. Fingers, she can scarcely believe they are hers, reach to remove the grave-mask, only to trace contours of beige silk. Around, she looks, the strange turning, yet stranger still. Wearing impassively bereft visages, the flesh and blood stone angels, she knows and does not know, carry on their clockwork routine. Her plastic harlequin-smiles are traded away, for at last, a face again.

Church again

Went to Eug's church, Wesley Methodist just to check it out. I think I rather like it...the sermon is preached in such a way that I can relate to and it doesn't sound overly righteous and holier-than-thou. And service in all is pretty short relative to other hours, though that's not the point. Had delicious curry chicken and bread for lunch - Eug's treat XD! We headed to Cine after to buy pressies for his friend's birthday and I also managed to get Catch-22 for someone's upcoming birthday too ;). Met Joseph later to watch Rule #1, (yet another treat XD) which had me cowering behind my very much smaller bag. Rather like an ostrich attempting to hide its head in the sand. One interesting thing I learnt: leaky pipes can apparently sound like a keening wail.

After

It'll be a miracle if I get into Chemical Engineering or Chemistry with grades like these.