2008 is consigned to the history books and thrown-away calendars, while 2009, fresh and untainted and heavy with promise as all new years are, is ushered in with much fanfare. there is an absence of feeling save for a tremulous hope that things can and will be better. if hope is the fodder of fools then i am glad to be one. for though it may reside in unknown places, deep within the weeks or months, i should like to think there is a little piece for me.

NUS Fencing Challenge

I'm still in a state of surprise that our hastily assembled motley crew managed to clinch a bronze. I'm even more surprised I could still fence decently despite my lamentable physique and half-baked training. But oh well, there were only 4 teams =P. Met a few familiar faces and marvelled once again, at the lightning reflexes and precise distancing, born of years of practice, the national fencers wielded. I foresee lots of work to be done if NUS Fencing Challenge is to be held next year. All the seniors are either working, graduating or simply too busy to render much help. Adversity does bring out the resourcefulness and tenaciousness in people so I guess ultimately, things will be alright. With the right combination of people, I never realised how fun lugging heavy pieces of metal and manning the Director's table would be. Joanna and Yan Jie took turns pushing us around on the cart, which while was admittedly pretty childish for our age, was still rather exciting. I can't imagine my parents or my grandparents acting like that when they were 19. Seems to me, my generation retains the youthful spark and sense of humor for a longer time =).

quiet time

i am standing in the pall of a shadow i have cast. Or is the shadow mine? You already are. it's hard to see myself from here. i crave for dreams which are not mine. my words, little, are retreating further into silence. the light is close but i wonder if i step out, will my skin start to wither? Like a snowflake in the glare of the sun.

Maybe I am not as good with words of comfort as I like to think I am. I wish I could share your troubles and give you motivation somehow, although you say it's something you have to deal with and you don't want to add on to my problems. I guess since what I say is probably futile and you're tired of hearing it, I will pray for His guidance.

hiatus

2 weeks from now and the "A" levels commence again. It's almost surreal that something mythic in its significance has come and gone and to this date, close to a year since its passing. Eventually I suppose, I will have to sift through the dim recollections of the before, real or made-up and perhaps discover, nothing more to it than a word. This just adds to the plethora of "words" which make up my life. It hit me recently; the realisation that my blogging has disappeared into nigh oblivion despite the many interesting (at least I egoistically think they are) happenings in my life. Attempts to dissect this phenomenon have been largely futile and all I can say is that blogging just slipped out of my life or the other way round. Still, I should take a trip down memory lane now and then and bask in all those moments, good, bad and ugly, waking myself up in time to see the beauty of the now. The fantastic fringe benefit of having more brain space to memorise the Valence-Bond Molecular Orbital Theories or L' Hopital's Rule is also greatly appreciated.

understanding is a precious thing and i guess it doesn't come to people often or has to be accquired from previous experiences. still, couldn't you at least pretend? ahhh...this is probably the depression speaking...

ho-hum

It just got me thinking how sometimes feels like a seemingly endless chain of events to stave off boredom.

The Uni Student

3 weeks into university term and I must say I'm quite glad that the workload is manageable; I have a good few hours to myself everyday even if I go for fencing XD. Haven't really made any friends, unless you count the hi and bye sort but it's always comforting to see a familiar face in tutorial. I'm thankful for the presence of my 3Q classmates, namely Ching Ting and Wei Lu, who make those potentially soporific lectures actually bearable and my darling Kevin, just for being who he is XD! And of hostel life? Would be an understatement to say that I savour every moment of it. Truly, absolute and utter freedom, coupled with a dose of common sense of course, is intoxicating like no other liquor. Responsibility also tags along as always and I've been doing a decent job of ensuring my work, done and my room, habitable :P. I'm pretty determined to make use of all the opportunites NUS can offer (internships, exchange programmes, immersion programmes) and at the same time, have fun!

Class outing was much fun XD Loads of fried food, dabbled in bridge with fairly promising results (many thanks to the partner), attempted to play ping pong and caught up with a few folks here and there. More or less know where most people are headed to, namely NUS. Guess organising class gatherings or should I say, half-class gatherings will be pretty convenient in future. It's a little strange how it takes class gatherings to "make" me talk to people I usually wouldn't have spoken a word to on a normal school day. Maybe its the impending sense of urgency and the knowledge that I might not be seeing them till a few years later.
On another note, Science Orientation week camp is to begin on Wednesday and somehow I can't seem to muster much enthusiasm. Tis a far cry from my secondary school days; I was brimming with nervous excitement so much so that I had trouble falling asleep on the eve of Orientation. The jadedness, that walks hand in hand with age, hits me in the face and tries to wake the dreamer up. Or perhaps its because I'm attached and surrounded by old friends, I see less of a need to befriend others. Or it could be I'm a reincarnation of some hermit who died meditating in the mountains...Hmmm..

Road Rage....no wait?

No license for me till September it seems...

Mostly, Good

Come 11th July, one of those many cars you see hogging the tar arteries of Singapore could be driven by me XD. With 2 L plates stuck on by bumper, I shall endeavour to prove myself a worthy driver to sceptical testers and thereby earn the license and the right to break as many traffic rules as possible. I can hardly wait. And there's the second small issue of how to tell my restaurant employers I'm thinking of quitting soon. I've been absent for too many days to actually be a bad or inefficent worker and it niggles me that I do feel a twinge of guilt at the impending resignation, because I have developed some form of tenous attachment to the nicer staff members. I might frequent the restaurant now and then just to catch up I suppose. The stoppage of income will probably lead to an eventual budget deficit and its time to be more parsimonious or more adept at cajoling cash out of coffers.

After a close to month long hiatus, it's time to revisit the blogging arena XD. Life is good. I've got a place in NUS Science; looks like I said something right during the Discretionary Admission Interview lol. So I'm looking forward of a laptop to of my own, my precious, on top of the other stuff I will be purchasing with my paltry salary. Occasional nights of board games with darling and company, together with outings to catch up with pals break the monotony of work. Since dearest Kevin has spirited away my PSP for an indefinite period of time (currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms now but this too shall pass, or not. ), I shall in the meantime, learn to appreciate the idiot box and knit woollen socks.

Imaqaa

There's a hard knot of anxiety deep down that refuses to go away. Maybe I'm depressed? Not even blogging like my usual self, whatever that may be.

between

it's a fine line between obligation and reciprocation. may i not cross it.

Picosecond

Amazing what can happen in a week if you just let it =). Now that we've gone so fast, maybe it's time to slow down and let the coffee brew.

The joke's on you =)

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! In case you're still befuddled as to what is going on, I haven't gotten fired. Yet. Maybe it was mean to play on your sympathies but hey, it's only once a year folks XD! I really appreciate those kind phone calls and smses (now I know who to approach for sympathy lol) =). I've not felt so gleeful in a long, long while XD...

away with paper smiles

A word too little, unflinching glances, fleeting, flickered and wisped away. Firm and fitting, is or was the sepulchral mask perched prettily against the crest of skin, as through the eyeholes, she peers, wondering and watchful. They become, inexorably, a pall of funereal quiet drawing them into a suffocating, gradual embrace. Accident or design, purpose or chance? Too late; the artfully frayed threads have snapped, suprising even their shocked selves. The moment has flown. Fingers, she can scarcely believe they are hers, reach to remove the grave-mask, only to trace contours of beige silk. Around, she looks, the strange turning, yet stranger still. Wearing impassively bereft visages, the flesh and blood stone angels, she knows and does not know, carry on their clockwork routine. Her plastic harlequin-smiles are traded away, for at last, a face again.

Church again

Went to Eug's church, Wesley Methodist just to check it out. I think I rather like it...the sermon is preached in such a way that I can relate to and it doesn't sound overly righteous and holier-than-thou. And service in all is pretty short relative to other hours, though that's not the point. Had delicious curry chicken and bread for lunch - Eug's treat XD! We headed to Cine after to buy pressies for his friend's birthday and I also managed to get Catch-22 for someone's upcoming birthday too ;). Met Joseph later to watch Rule #1, (yet another treat XD) which had me cowering behind my very much smaller bag. Rather like an ostrich attempting to hide its head in the sand. One interesting thing I learnt: leaky pipes can apparently sound like a keening wail.

After

It'll be a miracle if I get into Chemical Engineering or Chemistry with grades like these.

Jumbled Musings.

Patapon and guitar are extremely fun! Friday creeps closer and I am going to start writing my will. Just tell me what you want and I'll make a note. Unless its photographs of mine, then I suggest you look somewhere else. As much as you want all of us to do well, I'm afraid that's in God's will, not mine. Alternatively, I could be self-employed so it wouldn't matter what I got for my A level results anyway. And I'll always be Employee of the Month. Alright, as Eug puts it, que cera cera. It's all set in stone or ink, rather. I detest my current job; there is nothing more infuriating then trouble-shooting a laptop, after complaining to a customer service officer that is. That's enough ranting for the day...

where did they go

If I counted the minutes I spent simply not thinking (yes, it is very possible), I think (paradox?!) it would probably amount to an eigth of my entire life span. Already, my memories of primary school bleed to faded negatives..Did that really happen or did my fecund mind conjure it entirely or perhaps embellish it with gloss? I guess I need to revisit the past more and in doing so, cherish the now of the present.

from work springs forth bad poetry

how strange that I should be the one to go
words wrenched from clenched
lips
in a breath
to ashes upon the tongue
puppets mock
the mute living
tracing the complexion of the heart
the terrain of the skin
memories of forgotten fire
eyes seek eyes dance eyes flutter
yet do not meet
perhaps
I would rather have it
so

Adrift

Life now is curiously carefree and I have so much time on my hands, I could devote some of it to watching the plants grow and still indulge in my favourite past-times. The same reason why you see this blog entry. It's a little unsettling having absolutely no deadlines to meet (yes, I am not working...yet), but I'm going to enjoy this period to my utmost because the next time it arrives, I'll be having wrinkles on my age-worn face. Or growing mouldy in a box of wood. It's a good time to be learning new things, be they useful or not and I hope I have the motivation to brush up on my near non-existent cooking skills. I've quit my previous telemarketing job and am looking forward to my new employment at Nanyang Polytechnic next week. Telesales gives you a great feeling of acheivement and happiness, somewhat akin to downing a Bacardi Breezer in a minue flat but healthier, after you close a deal, never mind the occasional foul-mouthed faggots and fickle-minded folks. Well, here's to a good life ahead.

Shisha

I tried shisha for the first time last Sunday. Nava is turning me into a bad girl XD. I think it's pretty overrated; I didn't get high or woozy even. Just felt my throat getting irritated when the smoke trickled down it after I inhaled too deeply. I don't think I'll ever try it again. We didn't managed to finish even half the pot. And it's supposed to be ten times worse than tobacco smoking health-wise. It felt pretty cool though, sitting in a dimly lit lounge, which reminded me somewhat of an opium den, watching as the strawberry flavored smoke wafted into nothingness. Well, it was an interesting experience and I do love trying out new things, be they criminally insane or potentially life threatening.

Novices again

Met up with Charmaine and Joanna to watch our J1s fence in Novices Teams. Both Boys and Girls won the gold and the Boy's team bout had an especially nail-biting finish, since they beat Ngee Ann by a single point. It's time for me to get back to fencing too...

As my penpal put it, I am one of the most universally disliked people on Earth. Enter the angsting. The term TGIF takes a whole new level of significance, with strong emotions attached to it, when you start working. Adieu, dear blog. My visits to you will be few and far between as I consign myself to being a workdrone, sombre, stultified and a slave to somnulence.

Work

I never saw myself as one of those on the trains, the pale canvasses of their unsmiling faces etched with their private thoughts and worries as they were distributed to their respective destinations. But I am one of them, now. One of the many gears driving the robust economy of Singapore.. O_o. Alright, I overrate myself. Work leaches energy from the very marrow of my being. But a sale, and in this case two on the first day is oh-so-satisfying, and my moods take a leap to the stars.