Tuition

I gave my first tuition lesson today. The pay is pittance and a painful lesson in basic maths. Remember to divide the total pay by the number of hours tutored -_-. Well, we all learn something new. The student is bashful and parsimonious with words, preferring a nod rather than the verbal yes. It's probably the unfamiliarity and I hope she'll be more bubbly in time to come. Nothing really tests your understanding of a concept more than explaining it to someone who does not understand. A small part of me has always felt doubtful whenever I attempt to explain a concept. Words in themselves do not seem sufficient enough to give an illustration. How would you explain the concept of a "red coloration" to a person blind since birth? The phrase "the wind blows" means everything and nothing at the same time. I suppose words are a concise representation of an object but perhaps to really understand what an object is, one has to experience it? Now how does one experience grammar...

What do you do when life trips you up and run circles around your head? Will you rail, scream, weep and rend your hair? Will you beat your fists against the one-way mirror? Or will you lie down and be still. For there is nothing else to do.

As much as I feel life is stringing me along, I suppose God knows best. Time to be putting away the plans for far future and focus on the now. After all, if the now is good, the future has a higher probability of following suit.

Commencement (Of What, Really?)

On the eve of an event that barely concerns me, I wonder, perhaps is it time to set some concrete goals for my university life, academic or otherwise. Much hinges upon the Art's Faculty decision to accept me and even if I do get accepted, the bitter trace of a lingering inadequacy will haunt me for a while. I shall need to see it as exchanging substandard for something better(?). Meagre and necessary self-consolation, nevertheless. And the question of for whom do I plan and achieve my goals for. Are they truly what I want? Do I want them not for just myself but because others have had them too?

an ode to the lost

"Sometimes it Happens"

And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then
You are not friends,
And friendship has passed.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself.

And sometimes it happens that you are loved and then
You are not loved,
And love is past.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself into the grass.

And sometimes you want to speak to her and then
You do not want to speak,
Then the opportunity has passed.
Your dreams flare up, they suddenly vanish.

And also it happens that there is nowhere to go and then
There is somewhere to go,
Then you have bypassed.
And the years flare up and are gone,
Quicker than a minute.

So you have nothing.
You wonder if these things matter and then
As soon as you begin to wonder if these things matter
They cease to matter,
And caring is past.
And a fountain empties itself into the grass.

By Brian Patterson

Vaguely, I want an SLR. Or at least Photoshop. Ho-hum.