Norwegian Wood

I like this the best of all. Most of Murakami's books have this themes of alienation, loneliness and insecurity, set in a realities where a man can converse with cats and another goes around clad in sheep-skin. Whimisical it may sound and it often is, yet there are passages in each book which give me a feeling of deja vu as I savour them. Somewhat akin to trying to remember a distant memory; an image flickers into your mind and as you grasp it, it dissolves and leaves you puzzled, uncertain if you even recalled it at all. Much like pondering an utterance without any forethought. I like how Norwegian Wood express the doubts and insecurities in myself I could not quite articulate; the struggles and thoughts of the characters, while not wholely in alignment with mine, strike a chord as there are familiar fragments I can empathise with. There lies a small measure of solace in knowing that I am not the only partaker of fatalistic thoughts, insecurities and doubts.

the human condition

Loads of people, I should like to think, are nice when they're in one of their colorless moods. Yet, the true test of mettle, and the one I've probably flunked miserably, is being nice when you feel nothing more than throttling the person next to you. And before I make a blog post considering Haruki Murakami, I think I shall give him another chance. Do your worse Norwegian Wood!

Muse

At the age of just before 20, I have discovered the pleasures of Rock in the form of my Muse. (It takes a fellow rock dilettante to see the pun in there) The moral of the story must be you're never too late to rock! Angsty, brassy and head-ache inducing when played at a certain number of decibels is what I revel in right now. But as the world has taught you by now, all that is good does not last, not that it helps that the human attention span is so mercifully short, and in time to come, another Muse shall find me. Maybe in the form of Chinese Opera O_o.

On a side note, I find it funny how the SEP co-ordinator says "It is alright if I advised you to stay here in NUS and pull up your CAP?" Phrasing it in such a round-about way doesn't detract from the No. I can handle the truth I think, but maybe not the embarassment. In short, it always helps to expect the worse.

The price of getting what you want is getting what you wanted - Neil Gaiman

I love it when a quote can capture so aptly a situation that you're in, delineating its parameters and context for you. The Eureka Moment dawns upon you like falling rain on the oval of a face as you realise the realisation; 2 + 2 = 4 makes perfect sense as you somehow felt it always did. And you luxuriate in the communal comfort of knowing that someone out there, was, is and will be in the same predicament as you were.

and because i am chasing a dream, i tell myself yes it is alright to be sellfish

I'm falling into the reassuring rhythm of school, tuition, kevin, reading and fencing. There's more to it but in the way of mundane things, nothing much meriting mention. Oh, the joy of wallowing in self-imposed contentment.

Why do I have admiration, tempered with a tinge of envy, those who can articulate their feelings with lucidity on an issue, any issue? For my copious vocabulary bank, do correct me if you think I have overstated my status, remains adumbrated by a quiescent mind. One that accepts things happening all around as they are until they start affecting me on a personal level. Yet what is there to express if you persist unmoved and untouched? There is not such much an abeyance of emotion rather than an absence of it. That is, mayhap the key to an open mind.

The best meet-ups are when the people have not met in a long, long while. There is much to talk about, to laugh about and the silences are all at once, comfortable and companionable because they are understandable. I can safely say I had the most fun outing in a few years on Saturday night with the RJ sabre folks. It wore on till 2 in the morning and yet I didn't want it to end. Laughter was with us throughout and awkward moments, inevitable it seems, were few.

Photopost

A few amateurish shots after fiddling with my new (or not so new) toy - A 4th hand D350. I need to get /f1.8 lenses

Tuition

I gave my first tuition lesson today. The pay is pittance and a painful lesson in basic maths. Remember to divide the total pay by the number of hours tutored -_-. Well, we all learn something new. The student is bashful and parsimonious with words, preferring a nod rather than the verbal yes. It's probably the unfamiliarity and I hope she'll be more bubbly in time to come. Nothing really tests your understanding of a concept more than explaining it to someone who does not understand. A small part of me has always felt doubtful whenever I attempt to explain a concept. Words in themselves do not seem sufficient enough to give an illustration. How would you explain the concept of a "red coloration" to a person blind since birth? The phrase "the wind blows" means everything and nothing at the same time. I suppose words are a concise representation of an object but perhaps to really understand what an object is, one has to experience it? Now how does one experience grammar...

What do you do when life trips you up and run circles around your head? Will you rail, scream, weep and rend your hair? Will you beat your fists against the one-way mirror? Or will you lie down and be still. For there is nothing else to do.

As much as I feel life is stringing me along, I suppose God knows best. Time to be putting away the plans for far future and focus on the now. After all, if the now is good, the future has a higher probability of following suit.

Commencement (Of What, Really?)

On the eve of an event that barely concerns me, I wonder, perhaps is it time to set some concrete goals for my university life, academic or otherwise. Much hinges upon the Art's Faculty decision to accept me and even if I do get accepted, the bitter trace of a lingering inadequacy will haunt me for a while. I shall need to see it as exchanging substandard for something better(?). Meagre and necessary self-consolation, nevertheless. And the question of for whom do I plan and achieve my goals for. Are they truly what I want? Do I want them not for just myself but because others have had them too?

an ode to the lost

"Sometimes it Happens"

And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then
You are not friends,
And friendship has passed.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself.

And sometimes it happens that you are loved and then
You are not loved,
And love is past.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself into the grass.

And sometimes you want to speak to her and then
You do not want to speak,
Then the opportunity has passed.
Your dreams flare up, they suddenly vanish.

And also it happens that there is nowhere to go and then
There is somewhere to go,
Then you have bypassed.
And the years flare up and are gone,
Quicker than a minute.

So you have nothing.
You wonder if these things matter and then
As soon as you begin to wonder if these things matter
They cease to matter,
And caring is past.
And a fountain empties itself into the grass.

By Brian Patterson

Vaguely, I want an SLR. Or at least Photoshop. Ho-hum.

Hanoi and China

Alright, finally at 1.45am, I feel impelled to blog about my trip, before the not-so-indelible memories bleed into nothingness. The exact doings and happenings of each day escape me so all you'll see is a brief description of each place, and if you're feeling lucky, some picturesque photos.

Hanoi: A veritable warren of chaotically placed roads and shabby-looking buildings for most part. It's a wonder how the locals manage to meander their way to their respective destinations given the lack of street signs and noticeable landmarks, and I say this with the discerning eye of a tourist. A horn rends the already discordant cacophony of vrooms and brakes screeching every 5 seconds (yes, I counted). Crossing the roads verge on life and death situations as throngs of scooters whiz pass with an almost reckless abandon, a hair's breadth away from me. Vietnamese buildings mirror their people in stature, tall and narrow in general, a result of the 17m by 6m as the maximum dimensions regulation.

Ha Long Bay: Stunning as the scenery was, I was inured to its beauty after a while. The caress of the bay breeze was indeed welcome, as was the honeyed warmth of the sunlight on my skin. I always did love boat rides ;). Limestone islands, topped with a dash of viridian and jutting from the sea at irregular intervals, made a great subject for photos. And it was here the ubiquity of the television hit me in full force. Going aboard a floating fishing farm deep within the islands, I was half-surprised to see the idiot box, the only visible sign of technology in the otherwise spartan room.

That's it for now.

Three years. Long enough to complete a degree. Long enough for me to realise that Chemistry is an exercise in futility, soul-destroying in the way army boys lament about. They say the process is more important than the result. A load of tosh is what I say to that maxim. All I have is wasted time and a bundle of anxiety and worries.

April was the cruelest month

Can you ever have an excess of time? Amidst the frantic mugging driven by the lust for that 5.0 cap, the clock always seems to be a step ahead right till the moment you hand in the exam script. And as the last paper disappears in the iron grasp of the invigilator's hand, the days grow long as flickering shadows in the twilight. As Einstein once famously illustrated, time is relative. This post in itself has the makings of a half-hearted attempt to stave off boredom, the insidious companion that walks hand in hand with too much time and a lack of purpose. Every long holiday I encounter; they come as often as doable exam papers, I concoct a series of novel plans to while the hours away. Every long holiday I encounter, I relapse into the comforting nest of familiarity, indulging in the repetitive pattern of reading, going on the computer and chilling with friends. Maybe this time it'll be different.

Invidia

I envy a lot. Be it people with better chemistry grades or people leading more exciting lives (going to places I would love to visit, say Italy). Maybe that's why my life seems slightly colorless and lacking to me at times. I suppose the adage "the grass is greener on the other side" holds more truth than I care to admit. As long as I continue the comparisons, which can be endless and needlessly painful, I don't think I'll be happy or fufilled in any of my endeavors. Perhaps its because my benchmark depends on the performance of the rest. And even when it does not, I still can't seem to attain it. That's human nature for you, I suppose. Never quite satisfied and always seeking the Better thing. Even when they know the Best thing is to be content.

Life with a pinch of salt. I'm hungry and incoherent.